Here’s today’s pig story

One of the challenges of writing a weekly column on serious social issues is that many times, the “social” has moved on by the time the loud gong that signals that newspapers should be printed is sounded. When Sunday shows up, all chirpy and smartly-dressed, she finds that the hottest news isn’t so hot anymore. […]

Kidnapped computer’s location revealed

In the work I do away from this column, I work very closely with computers. I’m that bespectacled guy with heavy eyebrows who sits so close to the PC, you’d think it’s whispering something to him. Through this close relationship, I’ve learnt a thing or two about this electronic beast. We get along quite well, […]

How to court an ex-Prime Minister

I’m publishing this a day late; Mondays lately are pretty heavy. I hope you enjoy the read nonetheless In a rather curt fashion, we got a new Prime Minister last week. If the letter announcing the change were a tweet, it’d have said, “It’s been real. No offense, it’s not you.” If it were a […]

Watch out for the mafia in Uganda

A few weeks back, a minister declared that the mafia were out to have him sacked. As a fearless writer, I immediately reached for my overcoat and a magnifying glass and headed out to “the field” to gather all kinds of information about this clandestine criminal gang. It’s not the first time that these Mafioso […]

Why did the President’s car cross the border?

Last week, we all gasped in disbelief when we heard that Kenya’s President’s car had sneaked out of Kenya with the aid of some uncouth individuals. The vehicle sauntered across the border and was found parting, popping Uganda waragi bottles and living it large in Uganda. All requests for an interview with it were turned […]

Let’s invest in foreign ghosts

We were thrilled when news broke that the Uganda National Roads Authority (UNRA) allegedly paid about 24 billion to a ghost company from outside countries to do the Mukono-Katosi Road. It was hard for us to hide our excitement as a nation; UNRA had finally broken free of the grip local ghosts had on us. […]

Shoot for the Miss Uganda crown

Last week, word reached us that the army was in talks with the Miss Uganda Foundation to take over the Miss Uganda beauty pageant. I’d hate to be in the Miss Uganda Foundation’s high heels; I imagine talks with the army to be largely one-sided communications on what’s going to happen next. You probably have […]

Why you need a class on patriotism

Word in powerful corridors says that schools risk losing licenses if they don’t provide patriotism lessons. A few students have already been enrolled and taught how to get their hearts to beat faster at the mention of Uganda. Many naysayers have said their nays arguing that no one should be taught how to be patriotic; […]

Forward this or else

Every so often, you receive a beautiful message on WhatsApp or by email telling you great things about yourself. The message extols the virtues of sacrifice, love and courage. You are so touched, you want to cry. You are fighting to hold the tears in; there are too many people around and they shouldn’t see […]

Save me Sevo

It has been reported before that our Members of Parliament are deeply indebted. Some, reports say, have been jailed by money lenders for not giving to Badru what belongs to him. Word started doing the rounds this week that our beloved leader has approved a cash bailout to the tune of 42 billion shillings, with […]