It has been reported before that our Members of Parliament are deeply indebted. Some, reports say, have been jailed by money lenders for not giving to Badru what belongs to him. Word started doing the rounds this week that our beloved leader has approved a cash bailout to the tune of 42 billion shillings, with a B, to remedy this. Each blessed MP, word says, is set to get over 100 million shillings, depending on how badly indebted they are. This news is arguably more exciting than that of winning 5 medals at the commonwealth games. Who needs puny Superman when you have a leader like ours? Is there a nation luckier than us? Is there a place here on earth where a mighty leader swoops in and carries your debt? One where he literally pays for your financial sins? How blessed and highly favored are we as a people to have such a visionary at the helm of things. I’d need a number of books to put my excitement in back-to-back sentences. For now though, I’ll settle for self-righteously asking every non-Ugandan I meet, “You, does your president pay your debt? Look at your sad, sad life” and then sneer.

It's a bird...
It’s a bird…

All said, I feel compelled to be the first to ask that you settle my debt too Sir. As an aside, the bits beyond this sentence are directed only to our leader and will be written in Presidese, a special subtext only heads of state (and potential ones) understand. Why should you clear my debt?

First, like the MPs, I’m a respected member of society. I stay awake several nights on end reading through all the fan mail I get.

Second, my debt isn’t big. I won’t need over 100 million shillings. I owe Elias, my boda guy, a small sum. I owe Mama Nantongo’s grocery a tiny sum. I owe the sauna nearby a small sum-I initially thought that if I sit in it only a short while, I pay less but they didn’t agree. I also owe the owner of this house a neat figure. There’s also the car: I haven’t yet gotten it but think of it as projected debt; if you agree to pay my debt then I’ll call the bond and we finalize. It sets a bad precedent if an upstanding Member of Parliament society like me is in debt. Please save me. Alternatively I could just stand for MP next time round to make this easier for you.

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