The nature of life is such that once in a while, you are minding your own business, lost in your own world, racking your brain for the next excuse to give your landlord about the rent when you run into an old friend. Your brain looks up, sighs and goes back to sleep, leaving you to look for old friend’s name alone.

Naturally, you fail and go for the age- old “Hey! What’s up? Look at you, looking good” At this point, the compliment will knock them off balance and they will not notice how your eyes darted furiously from side to side as you kept asking your sleeping brain to give you a name. Pleasantries and compliments out of the way, the conversation would grow into phase one; What are you doing ‘these days’?

This is a beautiful question. It lets old friend regale you with tales of all the amazing things he or she is doing right now that are making the world turn. He’s running a business. She is being awesome at work. He is pursuing a master’s degree. She is taking care of their third child (pregnant pause to let you ask about the other two children).

This phase done, the next phase will sneak in; “Where are they now?” This is where you ask about other old friends; where are they and what are they doing? Did they stop selling narcotics on the corner? Did they give up their burgeoning singing career? Did they finish school? Depending on the people you are gossiping about, this part of the conversation may make a small detour into a memory lane and the two of your will walk down it, laughing and fighting the nostalgia at the same time. Do you remember when we broke into a school van and run off with school bread? (Derisive laughter). And what about that time teacher Nsibambi chased us around the dormitory? (ohohohoho).

This slowly ebbs into the last part of the conversation; where are you off to? (If you have run into each other on the street) or how long are you here? (If you are in a bar). This is the sign that the conversation is over. If either of you felt from part one that old friend’s work could add value to you, you’ll ask for their number. Then there will be the non-teary goodbyes.

Over the years that this column has been in existence, it has on several occasions bashed boda boda riders. Bashed is actually not the word; ‘knocked’ is more accurate.

Over the span of a few weeks, it once explored the different types of boda boda. It has also delved into how boda bodas came to be. At this rate, this columnist may one day become a boda boda rider to give you an even bigger scoop on what goes on in that world.

The things said here about the riders have not been flattering. It is therefore with a tinge of remorse that this particular piece is written.

See, once in a blue moon, a boda boda man will do something that will make you realise that not all hope is lost just yet. While he is in the middle of the said act of benevolence, another boda boda rider will twist through two cars, almost causing a collision, and then turn and hurl expletives at the drivers. Or the rider of the boda boda you are on will turn to tell you how he’s never seen a car as lovely as that one right there (gesturing with his hands), all the while turning to look at you, oblivious to the car he is about to ride into. This happened to me. But once in a while, mother earth conspires to show off a few good boda boda men.

There is the one at the boda boda stage who will get off his bike to walk two starry-eyed children across the busy road. He will try everything to keep hold of their hands as he makes his way across the road; the children will try to break free and run across the road the entire time.

There is the other one who will dutifully pick up your children every morning and drop them at school. He will also pick them up on time in the afternoon.

The other one will deliver that large sum of money for you; he won’t disappear and change name. Still, the other one will buy you tickets to the movies and deliver them. The other will buy and deliver your lunch.

While all this is happening, most of their fellow riders will be out there causing all manner of mayhem. Snatching phones. Scratching your car. Not respecting right of way. Having no time for traffic lights.

As the big, all-powerful being that runs an even bigger, more powerful company, you spend nights awake thinking deep thoughts on things us mere cassava-eating mortals cannot begin to appreciate.

If even half your thoughts run through our minds that don’t run big, powerful companies, we’d fall on the ground and convulse and ask you to take your thoughts back.

Running a company is the kind of stuff that requires years of deep-sea diving, jogging and several cups of porridge to expand your brain to the level needed to carry such a heavy load. Think of it as brain-building exercises. Before you start a company, you need to a few of the following exercises to make sure your brain grows to the level needed for the task at hand.

Watch chess games
Regularly sit and watch entire chess games. You may need a big supply of popcorn or whatever it is that people who watch chess games eat. My research didn’t unearth it.

Watch Ussain Bolt races
The man can run. It would have helped if he was British; we would have Bolt cereal, underwear, toothpaste, tissue, car tyres and we wouldn’t take two breaths without hearing the man’s name being chanted. Foreign aid would be tied to nations bowing down and chanting “Bolt is the greatest ever”. J.K Rowling would write yet another book and add a wizard named Harry Bolt whose spell is running round you so fast, you get dizzy.

I digress. Watch Ussain Bolt races; this will make your brain work faster. If you somehow fail to see the man get to the finish line, then your brain is too slow and you aren’t cut out to run a company.

Drink lots of fresh juice
Research by people who do research has shown that drinking lots of juice makes the brain grow and when the brain grows, you’ll be able to think big thoughts without getting a headache. Peel any fruit you can get your hands on and squeeze all the juice out of it. Drink that juice. Don’t add alcoholic beverages to it. Sing from mountain-tops about the goodness of fresh juice. Bask in the warm feeling in your chest. Skip.

These are a few of the tips that the biggest minds running the biggest companies in the world use.