The Uganda Police Force is recruiting. Now is a good time for you to apply. Earlier this week, the police spokesperson, Judith Nabakooba, appealled to anyone with a university degree and no criminal record to apply.

American officers are in the country to help with the recruitment. Your next opportunity to be interviewed by an American officer will be when you are caught buying a phone with a cracked screen from a hooded guy in an alley in New York.

Apply to the force now. They’ll take you through rigorous checks to see whether you meet the requirements. Suppose you are asked to pronounce “Hello”. The correct answer is ‘Elo!’. You usually have to follow this up with ‘you man’-even to ladies.

Here are a few other things that come with the job, should you get it:
As soon as you don that uniform, you become superhuman to us lowly citizens. In that white uniform, with laser vision you can inspire an entire movie, rather, the superhuman that doesn’t have feelings.

In our eyes, you are inconsiderate, mean, self-seeking leeches who only flag us down to drain us of the few shillings we have managed to wrench from this ailing economy. You are probably a nice person, just doing your job, enforcing law and order but uniform seems to have a way of hiding that.

We will hurl all kinds of vitriol on people in high places caught with their hand in the cookie jar. We will use a lot of adjectives to describe them, their ancestors and three of their generations. We will however, be quick to slip you a few notes when you point out that our side mirror is missing.
You may have to battle students on strike. They will be faster and overpower you. Don’t take the things they say about your intelligence to heart; it’s the youth and adrenaline talking.

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