Jazz music is around us all the time and the untrained are always stumped on what to do when it is playing. I used my spare time last week to interview jazz enthusiasts to try and get tips on what one ought to do when suddenly surrounded by jazz. This can happen anywhere. At the jazz safari. In a taxi. In a restaurant. On a boda boda. You need to know how to react. Since this column is all about elevating the way you live, here are the tips.

Do not try to do paka chini
You may own the sturdiest pair of legs in the room but jazz music does not present you with an opportunity to show them off. Sad, I know, but true. Instead, nod your head sagely, whip out your phone and type furiously. Doesn’t matter what you are typing; just hold the phone in an iron grip and concentrate till beads of sweat form on your forehead.

Stay calm
Shouting when jazz is playing is generally a faux pas; do not say anything in any tone you have heard a politician use. Speak as though you are being paid per word saved.

Close your eyes
Encourage everyone around you to close their eyes. Stand up and make an announcement if you have to. “Hey guys, like I totally dig this song so shush! Close your eyes and hum with me”

Sing along
For you who loves to form a fist and sing into it when Bieber is doing his thing on your radio station of choice, you are in for a disappointment with jazz. Enthusiasts speak strongly against holding your chest, getting on your knees and mouthing out the words. Humming is acceptable but only at certain decibels.

When a jazz song you like starts playing, call that person you are gaga about and don’t say a word; just put the phone next to the radio speaker. This might be a bit of a challenge if you are in a taxi and you are in that seat at the back but as David Tumusiime, the one who writes Taxi tales, will tell you, big tings a gwan. This, in English, means ask for faasi till you get to the speaker

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