The grapevine, after quite a number of pleasantries, lengthy small talk and a lot of prodding, mentioned that there are rival camps in the ruling party, the National Resistance Movement (NRM). “I tell you Kakoma, there are shakes in the Movement,” as though thinking it could sneak that pun past me. Reacting to my unsure smile, it went on, “That Movement is on a mazina maganda thing, at that part where the guys on the ngalabi are fully worked up. One camp is for our beloved leader and the other for, you know, (voice lowers to a whisper) the ex-Premier. “

I wasn’t entirely sure I could believe the grapevine; you know how they be – getting inebriated on their own grapes and then becoming too creative. However, later, the State Minister for Investment and Arua Municipality MP, Dr Gabriel Aridru Ajedra emphatically put an end to the rumor by confirming it. He also pointed out which side he’s on – he’s fully behind our beloved leader’s faction. He reasoned that you cannot bite the hand that feeds you. In all fairness though, if you have teeth and the ability to draw the hand sufficiently close to them, you can bite the hand that feeds you. Whether you should is another thing altogether.

The news of a divided ruling party is very disturbing. It’s the kind of terrible news that makes you want to be like those people on TV who break out in fits of rage and hurl cups, plates and everything in sight at the wall. Being third world, we cannot afford such expensive acts of fury. Here, when angry, you have to first examine the cup before hurling it at the wall. How do we bring some semblance of harmony back into the mighty party? To answer this, we can look through history and look at the ways differences have been settled.

There’s the option of us as a nation cramming into an amphitheater and shouting ourselves hoarse as the two individuals battle it out with only wild courage, swords and shields. The loser would then be fed to the lions. I’m not sure the lions would like this option so moving on…

Arm wrestle maybe? Broadcast live and with international judges and eloquent commentators, some with foreign accents and others using the various languages of the land.

It would be amazing though if our leaders would demonstrate the strength of character and humility we all need to initiate reconciliation when faced with diverging views.

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