Many times in life, you’ll wake up and find masts that don’t belong to you in your backyard or at your radio station. I spent many of my formative years studying physics and agriculture, so I recall that masts grow in moist areas and in areas of good loam soil. Loam soil because it has nutrients and masts need them to grow high to be able to broadcast messages as far as Masindi. So, when this happens to you, as it does to each and every one of us at a certain point in time, here is what to do with the germinating masts.

First off, since the masts germinated on their own because of the good loam soil and amazing climatic conditions at your radio station, please make it clear that you had nothing to do with it. In all honesty, no one can blame you for being endowed.

Since the masts chose your backyard, again, no one can blame you for using them. The beautiful thing about germinating masts is that they grow with a manual; this generosity of nature allows you to read about how to operate the mast as it progresses from a baby mast into a teenager and finally into a full-blown mast ready to broadcast messages, yes, as far as Masindi. When such blessings befall you let out screams of delight. Do the ‘Mast-a-mast’, the dance that celebrates mast growth in your backyard or at your radio station. Pour yourself a glass of fine wine and drink it fast. This wine will be held responsible for any incomprehensible things you may utter afterwards.

There will always be naysayers. Haters. Uncultured people who want to see your fall. They will say all kinds of vermin about you. They will say you planted the masts on your own. Pay no attention to them. Any schooled person knows for a fact that masts chose where to grow. They will ask you to say that you had a hand in all this. Refuse vehemently.

Lastly, and very importantly, to put the uncultured people in their place, direct a few insults in their general direction.

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