As humans, we are creatures of habit. One thing we usually do at work is go for lunch. In as much as this habit deprives our employer of the one, two or three hours we spend having lunch, we still insist on doing it every day with no regard to the masked person that sends money to your bank account every month. Legend has it that some people spend days at lunch going by how many calls they pick up and say “I’m still at lunch, please call me back later”. One direct result of having lunch is  the urge to sleep after. For your employer’s sake, stay awake. Here’s how.

Jog around

Pull out your spandex from that drawer you keep your paper clips in, squeeze into it(the spandex, not the drawer. Though truth be told if you can fit in one you can fit in the other), throw on a red headband, plug earphones into your..wait, no not your nose, Allan. Into your ears. Now jog around the office chanting war songs and occasionally letting out a native Indian cry. This will ensure that you stay awake for the rest of the afternoon but also, no one will assign you tasks for fear of being tackled by you. Winning.

Drink a lot

Go and pick up the water dispenser and relocate it to right next to your desk. Keep sipping water whenever you feel drowsiness kicking in. Charge your workmates who try to use the dispenser one thousand shillings for a cup of water. This will have the double effect of setting you apart as a go-getter (since you went and got the dispenser) and also as a team player(since you charged workmates only Shs. 1,000 and not exorbitant fees like the ones charged by insert-name-here). Both these qualities are desirable in HRs eyes and be sure to mention them when you apply for a raise.

Carry your desk and put it right next to the loos. When you finally recover from passing out due to the stench, start charging anyone going into the loo something reasonable…like Shs. 3,000 for a short call. Hand a cup to anyone who doesn’t want to pay and ask them to use that to ease themselves instead. Do not allow their pleas to weaken your resolve. Great leaders are merciless leaders. You are a great leader. Show no mercy.

Published on   Sunday, June 3  2012

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