Pope Francis recently told the Uganda government the things he wants and does not want during his visit to the country in November. The list was the kind to make any politician squirm – he won’t sit with any other passenger in his car, he won’t use a big 4×4 SUV vehicle, he won’t meet any political leaders apart from a brief meeting with the president and only to discuss religious matters and he won’t sleep in a hotel. Prior to this, it was reported that government had budgeted at least Shs60 billion for VIP cars.

With rules that strict, it immediately seems impossible to meet the man of God. That notwithstanding there are still a few ways you as a politician can meet him. It is election season so a selfie with the Pope would do wonders for your campaign. Here are a few ways you can approach this mission impossible *play the soundtrack *

Dress up as an ordinary citizen and stand among the crowd on Entebbe Road to welcome him. When the Pope’s being driven past you, make sure you stand out like a rolex in a 5-star restaurant. Wave more than the rest. Say some words in Latin. Carry a placard. Do something. The point here is for him to see and remember your face – that’s all.

Then move onto phase two. When he goes to conduct mass, make sure you spend the night in the chapel. This will ensure that you get a decent seat, close enough to hear every word he says during service. These words are what you’ll use to make conversation when you finally get a chance. For example, you could remark at how well he kept saying, “The Lord be with you”.

Now, you need to make initial contact. Get in line for Holy Communion. Make sure that when you get there, you say a few words to him.

Now to seal the deal, we move to the final phase – a full conversation. Since he won’t allow any passengers in his car, you could pull your political weight and make sure you be one of the four guards running next to the car. This will give you plenty of time to have a long conversation through the sunroof. You could start it simple by talking about the weather then gradually increase the heat by steering skillfully towards your reelection bid and how the Catholics will benefit from you being back in office. This step though requires you to shed some of that political weight in preparation.

All the best, my friend. Omnem medullam. If you are serious about this project, you should know what that means by now.

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