This was a particularly hard article to write seeing as I’m not too popular going by how agitated the dogs in my neighborhood get whenever I’m running furiously and jumping huddles to get back to my digs.

That said, the power of the internet and my unflinching resolve to bring you nothing but top-notch information ensure that you get only the best. I present to you ways to make the apple of your eye dig you fully. Here are ways to make her yours. Please read this only if you aren’t married. I’m writing it in a coded language that only unmarried people will understand. Married people reading this will only see the the the the the the. Now for you unmarried friend trying to get that person you like, do the following things:

Get into a fight

Girls love a strong man. That’s why they don’t blink when re-watching Rambo. They may not say it to your face but they do. So what better way to show-off your strength than by taunting a dirty boda boda man about his hygiene and when he dares to get off his bike to say something to you, wrestle him to the ground and race off on his bike screaming “suckaarr!!”

Of course you’ll need to return the bike in an hour and apologize to him. Explain your actions and any sober boda guy will say “Dogga, steady” and let it slide. You can then pay him for a ride to her place.

If you are the type that’s scared of boda guys, get a friend she doesn’t know to snatch her bag and run off. Run after him, tackle him and beat him up. Of course this only works if you are ready to do the same for your friend and also if he won’t really run off with the bag.

In the know

It’s not enough that you read like all the other cool kids. Show just how much music you know. While having a meal together at Javas, stop her fork as she lifts it to her mouth, put down your own, push your chair behind, stand up and break into song. Show her just how many Celine Dione songs you know. Sing them word for word. The fire in her eyes will be all for you.

Published on  Sunday, March 25  2012

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