It is that time of the year when we generally feel low. We realise that we are nowhere near attaining many of the goals we set for ourselves at the beginning of the year so our spirits take a dip. This column is here for you. Let’s get you back on track with all your goals.
If you set out to do more exercise at the beginning of the year and you haven’t so much as walked down a flight of stairs, don’t lose hope. You can still do this. Take time off and lift the furniture at home. Carry the sofas from the sitting room to the kitchen and back. Do this every morning right before having a cup of tea. Deny yourself breakfast if you haven’t completed this strenuous but nation-building activity.

Alternatively, you could settle for mud-wrestling as your exercise of choice. On Saturday morning (because a sensible person like myself would never ever suggest that you do mud-wrestling in your going-to-work clothes), call up your friends Jim, Jane, John and June and head out to an open expanse of land.

A soccer pitch could do, say that one next to Kiira Road police station. Using your ingenuity, create two mud patches. Then wrestle! The boys should be in one patch and girls in another. You could have teams so when someone is getting their backside handed to them, they can run out whimpering and tap someone else to jump into the mud and save the situation.

If you are those people who cannot live life offline; the type that whips out their phone, snaps and uploads everything going on in their life, then now is a good time for the columnist to recommend that you take pictures of you and your fellow mud-wrestlers. Take time to get good shots of the gnashing of teeth and grimacing. And the smiles too, if any.

As a side note, please seek permission to use the pitch (or whichever place you and your friends eventually decide to do the wrestling from). This columnist encourages responsible citizenship at all times. Write a formal letter to the Inspector General of Police requesting to use the pitch for mud-wrestling.
Enclose pictures from the internet of pro mud-wrestlers just in case he has a hard time picturing what you, Jim, Jane, John and June are going to be up to.

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