Dear not-so-young reader, you recently left College. Makerere University, Kyambogo, KIU. The rest. Outside countries. All those nights spent carrying your notes to Club Silk to sneak a peek at them when the DJ would launch into a few minutes of lingala finally paid off. Kudos to you. It also helped that you followed your doctor’s advice and stayed away from Celine Dion’s music- that is how your brain cells kept their will to live.

You took it a step further and wrestled your way into a new job at a vibrant company. My word limit does not allow me to say all the congratulatory stuff five minutes of thinking would bring to mind. I’ll instead just go ahead and give you something more practical-tips on how to excel at your new job. It does not matter whether you are filing documents, writing for a newspaper or your work is to bite into the sandwiches ladies at work leave in the fridge, these tips will help. I hope. I have convinced my editor as much so work with me here. When you start your new job, do not:

Drink on the job
Skip this part if you manage a beer brand in a brewery; word has it that since the law suit in 1998 where Conrad Gaga Munroe took the (name removed by editor) beer to court for finding a goat’s hoof in it, brand managers at beer companies have to taste every single beer to make sure it is fit for consumption. I have it on very inebriated authority that it is in their job description. Taste every beer.

But you clearly are not a brand manager for a beer; not fresh out of college. So do not drink at work. Trying to deliver on a tight deadline while intoxicated is as effective as doing the moonwalk on tarmac, in gum boots, with lingala playing.

Get comfortable
For some reason, all talk as you progressed through school painted the working world as the promised land. You were promised that if you forewent all those house parties your friends had a grand time at, you’d get good grades, start work and live like Lil’ Wayne. Without the grills. Or the constant sneer. Or the sagging pants. Or the vests. Does that man own anything but vests?

Start work. But don’t get comfortable. Promised land or not. Be good at what you do and constantly put in time to get even better; that way we can send them to their makers by making it clap.

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