At this time of the year, many companies invite their employees to an all-you-can-eat, take-all-beers-prisoner gig at a trendy venue. End of year parties are generally a chance for you to give your workmates something to talk about the entire year untill you come up with something even more shameful at the next party. You really are good at this. Whispers in the Human Resources office suggest that you are only still on the payroll because of the comic relief you deliver.

They say it is the only thing you deliver consistently. The nerve of those people. This year however, will be different. You are going to be a figure of grace, charm and sophistication at the party. Of course this puts your job on the line since HR will wonder why they need you anymore but that is nothing to worry about for now. Here is how to carry yourself.

Those small bits on platters are snacks. Do not ask the waitress to leave the entire platter with you.
If you are in time for the speeches, do not boo the speakers.
Do not go late. You will want to dodge the speeches but you will miss the food. You will also miss certain crucial announcements, like pay raises, cutbacks and lay-offs. Due to less than stellar company performance, HR could decide to retain only the people that made it in time for the party. Or pay raises could be given to the people seated at the front.

Also, you do not want to be the one huffing into your manager’s office on Monday demanding that the air conditioning be switched on yet in her speech, she mentioned that you would all use hand fans going forward. If you are at a party you have crashed, do not be too loud.

Do not be the one gyrating on tables. Or grabbing the microphone from the MC to send greetings to your family and “everyone watching at home’’
If you give in to the lure of the free alcohol (or if your plan is to punish the company back for paying you poorly by drinking all the alcohol it bought in the hope that it’ll run bankrupt), slow down. There will still be alcohol in the world tomorrow. The company will survive the dent you’ll inflict. Drinking will still be a thing. Your job may not
If you do get inebriated, at least ask for a raise. You probably won’t do it when sober.

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