I’ll start this piece by taking on the voice a seasoned writer with global acclaim and many international awards (Caine Prize, Caining Prize) and using the definition of a word;

Addiction(noun)-the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. Origin: 1595–1605; < Latin addiction- (stem of addictio ) a giving over, surrender.

I’ll proceed, still using that writer’s voice, to ask a rhetoric question; Are you addicted to Facebook?

If your response, to a rhetoric question nonetheless, is ‘What is a Facebook?’ then stop here. You can proceed to take your second cup of porridge now; it ought to have cooled off to a temperature fit for ingestion. Be sure not to hit your head on the door knob on your way out. If your response is, “Maybe yes. Maybe no. Kwegamba, I am not sure,” then let’s walk through a few more questions to see where you lie.

Do you think everything is a status update? “OMG, my boss is giving me a lecture right now now here here about my hygiene.” “hehehe I am going to the loo right now.” “I am on a boda n he is driving slowly yet am late.” “aya, they just stole my 4ne while I was on the slow boda.” That last bit you’d think but wouldn’t post it…well, because your phone would have been stolen

Do you stay up late at night trying to come up with a perfect status update?

Do you stay up late at night so you can use “Hey niggz am waide awake having fan! Team no slip” as your status update?

Do you still write the aforementioned status update even though you are tucked in bed watching re-runs of ‘Agataliko nfuufu’ that you convinced the maid to record for you?

When you eventually fall asleep, spooked by all the blood and gore you are seeing, do you wake up with a start, sweating profusely but muttering a status update?

If you stay asleep, do you dream of yourself joyfully skipping through a plush, peaceful savannah of status updates? You turn and see a clever status update. You turn again, a sheep uttering a witty comment.

You turn again, a swarm of bees with like buttons for stingers attack you and hit you with like after like.

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