You are here: Home . By The Way, Writing . Let’s Cook

Let’s Cook

Many times you may find yourself alone at home with raw food staring sullenly at you. This sad situation is not helped by the fact that all the recipes out there are written for people who know what ‘spread dressing mixture evenly over each half’, ‘broil until lightly brown’ and ‘bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until brownies set up. Do not over bake!’ mean.  Do not over bake indeed.  Very helpful. Today is your lucky day. I reveal easy-to-follow, full-proof ways to turn that raw food into a yummy meal that will have your friends and foes sing your praises till you ask them to take a break. Today, we’ll start small. We’ll make Crunchy cheddar Egg Beronganaise.


  • 2 eggs
  • Beronganaise cheese
  • Onions
  • Salt
  • Oil


  • Get the egg and shake it vigorously. This should ensure the demise of any un-hatched cretin swimming about in there
  • Hit the side of the egg with a fork to crack it open
  • Pour the gooey insides into a fairly clean bowl. If you do have a clean one, use that one instead
  • Beat the gooey stuff with a fork, spoon, knife, clean stick, remote control, ladle, old empty beer bottle, full beer bottle or whatever is nearest to you
  • Bring the onions and cut them up using something sharp and resistant to tears. A knife comes highly recommended, a nail cutter comes in close second
  • Hurl the onions into the gooey mixture and beat the newly weds
  • Get some oil and put it in a (clean) saucepan. A frying pan would serve the purpose better if you have one. Put this on a source of heat. Stove, cooker, cigarettes, candle, tadooba, any will do the job
  • When the oil starts to stink-up the kitchen/bedroom/sitting-room/wherever-it-is-you-are-cooking-from, carefully pour the beaten gooey stuff into it
  • Marvel at your work. Answer your ringing phone. Tell the person on the other end that you are in the middle of something very important and that you will call them back.
  • Stir the mixture. You may have noticed that we haven’t used the salt and Beronganaise cheese yet. Throw them into the pan. Stir with everything in you, till you feel muscle spasms begin to build
  • Serve yourself and eat

Nutritional Information (Amount Per Serving):  Calories: Enough to enable you push your car to a petrol station alone | Total Fat: Enough to keep you warm every night | Cholesterol: Not enough to give you a heart attack

Next time we’ll look at how to make ‘Spicy tea with spices’, a delicacy in Alaska.

Published on Sunday September 18, 2011

With the help of elves, I do deliveries of articles to inboxes all around the world every week. This stuff is deep, for real. Sign-up here