Over the course of this weekend, you undoubtedly had dozens of dreams. Some, like the rest of us, dream while lying in bed at night. Others do it while in boardrooms, “listening” to a very important diatribe from someone very important from HR.

Others dream while in lecturer rooms, when the lecturer stops dictating and makes an initial attempt to explain the stuff he has been force-feeding you for the last two and a half hours. The more daring ones do it in Parliament, when Honorable Kadaga pauses to pat the white wig and straighten the royal garb she dons.

Back in the good old days, if you were friends with Joseph, you would summon him and he would show up and interpret the dream for you. Joseph was so famous, Kings used to call him to tell them what their dreams meant. Naturally, they did not tell him about their dreams that included giggly ladies clad in goat skin.

I have it on very good authority that ladies wore goat skin in Joseph’s days. The kings though only called him when they had dreams that didn’t have anything to do with the opposite sex. I wonder why. You wonder about it too don’t you?

Times have changed though. Joseph is long gone and he didn’t leave a phone number. Fret not. In comes this columnist to thy rescue. Picture me as your super hero sans the wanton costumes heros wear. For some odd reason, one cannot be a super hero and wear “normal” clothes; it’s always spandex and a frilly mask to cover the eyes. Picture me as a superhero with a dress sense. Today though, I will cover for Joseph and do interpretation of dreams.

Dancing midgets
If in your dream, you see yourself flying over a pack of dancing midgets, you will be insanely rich in three years or less. If the midgets are dancing kwasa kwasa, you will be insane in three years or less. If they are dancing paka chini, you will own hens that lay golden eggs.

However, the mother hen will go insane and eat one of your car tyres one day. If the midgets are dancing in a dark, tropical jungle and are painted in swashes of red, yellow and green, then you smoked before going to bed. Don’t smoke before going to bed.

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