Last week, we started a journey on thriving amidst heady traffic. We decried how much traffic has robbed this country of sweet time that would have been spent building the nation. We moaned how traffic has turned us into liars, making us tell the person on the other end of the line “I’m just here at the Roundabout, in traffic” yet we haven’t left home yet. Traffic, oh traffic. We explored the different tried and tested ways that the menace can be subdued. Today, we go deeper. We look at even more ways to prosper amidst hard traffic times.
Switch lanes
Giving a turn signal, or ‘indicating’ is for losers. Weaklings I tell you. A strong, well-rounded person like you doesn’t have time to move one finger and shift that indicator lever. When in traffic, shift lanes at will. Don’t indicate-you have better things to do with your hands, like reply Whatsapp messages or replay that very funny video that has goats singing. Indicating is for people who don’t know where they are going-they indicate to get approval from others. You don’t need approval-turn and go. Then turn back. Then turn again.
Budge in
Who asks before they join a lane? Do like a taxi and budge-in. Traffic will not be conquered by being timid and polite. Budge in. If you get hit, make a scene and ask if they know who you are. If they don’t, ask them what kind of person they are not to know you.
Bumper to bumper
To beat this traffic thing, your vehicle needs to make its intimate intentions known to the one ahead of it. It needs to move so close to it, a bit of the paint on that car needs to rub off on to yours. When it moves, move just faster. Think of this as your contribution to the fight against malaria-mosquitoes migrating from one place to another should not be able to use the space between your car and the next. Fight malaria, drive closer.
Multitask
You are too busy to let the traffic hold you down; text, WhatsApp, watch funny videos, everything. If you carried your dirty laundry with you, do the laundry too. Life is too short for it to run past you as you sit in traffic and wait for something to happen.