What is your calling in life?

We often muse about what our destiny is. Thousands of research papers, none of which I have read while writing this, suggest that we all have a particular purpose on this earth and that the most successful people in life have found that purpose. What is your purpose dear reader? (Pregnant pause) Does this thought ever hit you while you are jumping off a boda boda, one foot already halfway over that “leather” seat? Or does it cause you to shiver while you shove down half chips, half rice, half byenda? More so, does the thought nag you while you read an article on urbanlegendkampala.com? If the thought has never occurred to you, probably because your brain is constantly doing leisurely back flips from all the reality TV you have been watching, this column is here to make it all better. To help you discover your calling. We will do this using a method first discovered by Litmus Freud, a great philosopher and purpose-in-life finder who lived several light years ago. He discovered his purpose was to be a cross-dressing puppet master and he went on to become one of the greatest that ever lived. He also wrote several books about his experiences but no one read them because his purpose was never to be a writer. Onwards, onwards. On to discovering your purpose. Answer these questions as truthfully as you would a doctor’s pre-operation test.

Do you find that you are repulsed by water? Does the sound of water trickling cause you to spasm without end? Do you utter all kind of foul things for no reason? Do you think you are the only smart person around and everyone is dumb and just doesn’t get you? Do you feel alive and charged when on the road, zig-zagging through potholes at break-neck speed? Does the phrase ‘break-neck speed’ not mean anything to you? Do you think that lice are lovable creatures that have been treaded on, beaten, mistreated and generally not given a chance to live long, fulfilling lives basking in the sun as God intended? Do you go out of your way to harbour said lice because of the aforementioned feelings? Do you have no idea what urbanlegendkampala.com is? Congratulations dear reader, if your answer to any or all of the questions above is yes then your calling in life is to be a boda boda rider. Or a taxi conductor. The two are joint callings.