Alternative ways to hand out sacks of money

It recently came to light that women groups in Busoga were clashing over some money handed over by our beloved head of state. Each of the groups claimed that the money was supposed to be channelled through them. Not too long ago, money was handed over to youth in a sack; they too, according to reports, clashed over who gets what. With this in mind, one keen on identifying problems and providing solutions would quickly see that as citizens, we can’t handle our beloved leader’s benevolence; it only throws us into confusion-the kind similar to what you’d go through when you first attend a church service in Jamaica. In a heavily-worded book I will write one day, I’ll unravel how to address that particular problem. Today however, given that the smell of elections is heavy in the air, we address a more pressing issue; how do you give money to us ordinary citizens without using sacks? Naturally, seeing as you the reader never give out sacks of money, these tips are by and large for our beloved leader.

Helicopter

Many of us, dear beloved leader, still look up whenever aeroplanes or helicopters fly by and run after them shouting “Bye bye Museveni”. It would be great if you took advantage of this attention and made it rain money. Have the money thrown out of the moving chopper in crisp bills. The advantages here are obvious; if the Shs. 250 million that was given to the youth had been distributed this way, in crisp Shs. 1,000 denominations, many more youths would have benefited. The results are instant too

Also, since we are already in the process of acquiring choppers for the Police, this would be a good way to make use of them since we are spending a colossal sum on them-Shs. 5 billion in just scouting how good they are.

Mobile app

We are all slaves to our phones these days. Give us a mobile application in which we struggle through NRM trivia. It should be a very challenging and interactive game. We can even do a face-off where we play against ‘the computer’ or against you. It could also be one in which we battle to see who has the smartest retort to things politicians in the opposition say. It could be challenges on how best way to muffle a politician in the opposition-our options in the game could be house arrest, pink tear gas, money, a court case, the works. Those who score the most points in this game can get to win huge cash prizes.