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One thing that changes all

This week, something magical happened. If you ignored how hot it was, closed your eyes and listened –really listened – you’d hear an unmistakable sound of joy slowly rising to the sky. This sound, still discernible right now if you are reading this less than a week from when it was first published, is actually Ugandans making merry.

Initially, it was hard to make out the source of all that joy but I decided to employ the investigative skills I’ve picked-up from observing our policemen. In a few hours, I was able to establish, with certainty that the happiness was because finally, we as Ugandans could reach our beloved leader directly! For you hearing this for the first time, I apologize for not asking you to sit down first so that the news doesn’t knock you off your feet.

So, a group of young, visionary developers came up with a mobile application that allows you, dear citizen, to reach our benevolent leader directly. All you do is download the app (called “Reach the President”) and right there and then, you can start sending messages to the president. What’s more amazing than that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Think of all the things you could say to our leader.


The ‘Reach the President’ app

To put this in perspective for you who’s still failing to see how ground-breaking this is (it’s up there on the list, next to the moon landing), think back on all the things that distinguish our leader.

First, he gives out money in sacks. With this brilliant app, you can request for a sack of your own! Here’s a sample message to get you closer to your sack.

“Dear Mr. President, I adore/like/admire you. I’m currently going through {insert financial woes, summarized. Two sentences at the most}. Could you please help me? {OPTIONAL: You could specify how many sacks you need. Don’t be greedy and ask for too many since the cake needs to be spread to many other people}


Your loving fan and guaranteed vote next year

{Your name}”

Do you have a function you need him to grace? Do you need recommendations on what to read? Do you have a great joke you want to share with someone who’ll understand it? Do you want business advice? Most importantly, do you need advice on where to put your vote?

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