Christmas inventions we need

If there’s ever a time in the year when we badly need inventions, it’s this one. All the merry making, travelling and binge-eating presents several opportunities to better mankind. It is documented that Einstein’s theory of relativity came to him after a hearty Christmas lunch. There he lay, battling sleep after the meal, unable to move a limb without using up whatever bit of energy he had left, when the idea appeared in his head. Unable to move towards the idea and grab it, he had to coax it into coming to him. On to the Christmas inventions:

Christmas Time Machine (CTM) – This fancy gadget, at your voice command, would take you to a Christmas back in the day. After a pilot study, the voice command would be removed because our accents would confuse it; CTM would be re-engineered to receive typed instructions. It would still take you to a Christmas of choice and pick you up right after lunch.

A fork that turns into a bed at the press of a button – This device, produced by Nokia of back in the day (to make it sturdy and long-lasting), would be used to eat your Christmas meal. After you are done, you’d press a button and it would transform into a bed that you’d collapse onto.

An application that locates for you a ‘real’ Christmas tree – This mobile application would give you specific directions to where to get a ‘real’ Christmas tree from. The ‘real’ trees are those that are cut from someone’s fence. At the tap of a button, you’d do negotiations on price (complete with pretend walking away in protest for the price to drop) and when you conclude, the tree would be delivered to you. You’d burn it amidst wild chants on New Year’s Eve.

Send food – This would work like mobile money except that you’d be sending and receiving food. There’d be an agent, obese from stealing from the business, to whom you’d give the food. He’d taste it when no one’s looking, pack it and then send it to the recipient using advanced technology.

Inventions aside, I hope you get a chance to wind down and enjoy this part of the year. The cheer’s great, the meaning of the season’s even greater. Joy to the world indeed. Happy Christmas, to you and yours.