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How to court an ex-Prime Minister

I’m publishing this a day late; Mondays lately are pretty heavy. I hope you enjoy the read nonetheless

In a rather curt fashion, we got a new Prime Minister last week. If the letter announcing the change were a tweet, it’d have said, “It’s been real. No offense, it’s not you.” If it were a Facebook relationship status, it would be “It’s now very complicated”. Not to miss a beat, the opposition rode in on a unicorn, carrying promises of donor funds, a bouquet and a box of chocolates to court the ex-Prime Minister.

Opposition Courting Amama Mbabazi

Reports say they immediately asked him to join them to work together to oust the current government. “Here here, don’t look back. Come to us,” they seemed to say. You’d have expected courtesy to dictate that they give him at least some time to let it sink in before they try to sink their teeth in. Our members of the opposition, a determined lot, are having none of that though; they want to be the rebound guy here and now, no time to waste. Kinda like that person who immediately offers to buy the deceased’s clothes while you are at the funeral. Not cool. That said, seeing as you, dear opposition, are bent on the courtship and won’t listen to wise counsel, here are a few ways you can do the courting tactfully; dropping hints in newspapers and in radio interviews won’t quite cut it.

The ex-premier is one of the biggest African politicians on Twitter. Fill his Twitter feed with praises of his statesmanship. Then, start a hashtag encouraging him to make the big move. Make sure the hashtag trends. Follow this up closely with a burst of direct messages to him from different members in the opposition, all stating a different reason why your side of the bread is buttered better. You do have an uphill task here since in as much as you have slices of bread, the man you are courting is among the bakers.

Charter a jet to fly overhead as he arrives for parliamentary proceedings. We’ve seen at various Independence day celebrations that our pilots are capable of performing those fancy aerial gymnastics that Tom Cruise wanted us to believe were only a reserve for top American guns. Get the jet to spell-out in the air a few words inviting the ex-premier to your side of the house. “Come to the opposition”, “The F in FDC is for FLY”, “Make a movement towards the opposition”.

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