Word in powerful corridors says that schools risk losing licenses if they don’t provide patriotism lessons. A few students have already been enrolled and taught how to get their hearts to beat faster at the mention of Uganda. Many naysayers have said their nays arguing that no one should be taught how to be patriotic; it should come naturally, they say. Agreed. Let us together take a survey to see whether you too need those classes.
When others went to the bush to fight, did you fight with them or were you too busy eating sausages? Related to this, but not relevant to the survey, do you like sausages?
How many Parliamentary proceedings have you watched? When you see an MP falling asleep, do you, for the love of your nation, quickly send them an SMS to shock them awake or do you just laugh and post their picture on your wall?
When pigs were dropped in Parliament, were you the one that suggested that they be slaughtered, marinated and served as lunch to those MPs for whom it isn’t taboo?
When the debate that the anthem be changed came up, was it you that suggested that even the national bird be changed? Is it you that said that we should replace it with a chicken since we interact with it on a more regular basis?
When your MP groans publicly about how “loans are killing him or her”, do you find a way to their home and give them some money or send them mobile money? Or are you happy when you hear reports that they’ve been bailed out? Can you say you are patriotic yet you are wishing debt and misery on your leaders?
When a stranger starts to speak ill of your country, do you join in or do you counter it with something positive?
When was the last time you drew the map of Uganda and stared longingly at it? Are you those people whose map looks close to a dress from the future?
What’s your take on Migingo? Is it ours?
When you meet a local celebrity, do you scream in excitement and ask for a photo or autograph or do you walk away with your head high, too proud and too unpatriotic to express excitement for all things local?
That’s it for our survey. Do you need the class after all?