8 things you must know about the World Cup

It is that time of year when we let go of all appropriateness and show our support for soccer teams by screaming till the veins in our necks are visible. Oh, the joy. We need to discover a way to bottle that energy and use it to power our electrical equipment. In the future, if you are in a bar watching soccer, your phone will have a tiny sensor that will pick-up the energy around you and charge itself. People watching exciting games-lots of goals, tonnes of flair-their phones would charge very fast. I’m sure you’ve already come to the logical conclusion that the phones of people watching Arsenal matches would never charge. That’s a joke. The world cup has kicked off; here are a few random facts that will hopefully get you to care

1. The mascot for the games is an armadillo named Fuleco. If you aren’t sure what an armadillo looks like, picture a rat in a knight’s armour
2. Samba, in Brazil, is a dance. Here it is to kick. This is the secret behind the nation’s success in soccer-they see it as a dance.
3. The Uganda cranes are yet to qualify; I’m confident that I’ll live to see this happen.
4. Only four nations(Yugoslavia, Romania, France and Belgium) took part in the first world cup; it isn’t far-fetched to think they believed the world revolved around them.
5. If you are in Brazil and you are reading this online, to say “hello, what gives?” to that stranger peering at your phone over your shoulder, say “Olá, o que dá?”
6. Brazil won its third world cup in 1970. Surprisingly, the rules say that a nation cannot donate a world cup to another. Brazil cannot for instance donate one of their world cups to us. After all the support we’ve shown for South American soaps, the least they could do, just one of them, is hand us a trophy already.
7. If North Americans played soccer as well as they acted, USA would have won at least one World Cup. Maybe Jason Statham should try kicking soccer balls for a change
8. If South America acted as well as they played soccer, Spain & Mexico would own Hollywood. Spiderman would be called araña Hombre and Iron Man would be Hierro Hombre.