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Why it sucks to grow up

This piece is for the young reader spending nights awake wishing they were more grown up. This wish could stem from the fact that they have no wisdom teeth and as such cannot appreciate tearing away at chunky bits of roast goat the way daddy and mummy do. The wish could also be because grown-ups get to drive around in cars.

And stay up all night in bars drinking errr…water, watching sports and thumping their chests together whenever something exciting happens on the screen.

This column is young reader sensitive. PG 05. And as with all PG columns worldwide, the aim is to keep things balanced. Give both sides of the story if you will. Young reader, this writer brings you the other side of growing up. Take one big slurp and put down the rest of your cereal. Hit pause on that Justin Bieber track causing vibrations in that room of yours. Stuff is about to get real up in here. Growing up does come with a bit of baggage. See here:

Dressing up

Young reader, you have the luxury of having to wear the same purple gab to school every day. Uniforms are a thing of beauty. Grown-ups generally don’t have those things.
That means they have to wake up and wade through heaps of second-hand clothes to choose what to don. This decision-making process drains the brain; it is what people call “brain drain”. The result is that grown-ups are grumpy the entire day.

Feeding self

This is particularly for the much younger reader. The one reading this while drooling on it. Reader, enjoy this time of your life where mummy feeds you. It will not always be this way. You will grow up and have to start feeding yourself. This will come with life-changing decisions like “Chips chicken or Sim Sim balls and Safi? Chapati and byenda or molokoni and posho?”. These decisions will affect the general course of your day since while at your work station, or in the field sweating it out, trying to beat a deadline, the mental picture you’ll be fighting to drown the most will be one of steaming food.

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