Tag Archives: Electricity

You are here: Home . Archive

Coping With Powerlessness

The dark ages are upon us. Run for the hills. That would work if the hills weren’t covered in darkness too. To avoid going home to a dark house and the sounds of mice playing hide and seek in the bathroom, the recent power cuts have us staying at work longer and subsequently watching soaps we didn’t intend to.

The natural impulse is to throw a tantrum, wail, hurl a few objects at government vehicles and kick the cat. Resist every such impulse. This column is all about non-violence; let peace, love and all frilly things reign. Here is a guide on what to do with those hours of darkness that the energy-generating body has been benevolent enough to grant you:

 Story telling

Gather everyone in the house, hold hands and after a five minute humming session, begin to tell scary stories. A prize should be given to anyone who gets the rest to scream

 Talk to the neighbors

You neighbours are also feeling the pinch of the power issues. Lend them your extra candles. If they are the mean type this column has spoken of before, put laxatives in the food they feed their gold fish.

 Watch a movie

Believe it or not, I read on the internet that that Samsung tablet of yours can do way more than send text messages. (Insert pause for you to gasp). Switch it on, place it on that fancy glass table of yours and re-watch ‘Gone with the Wind’. Or ‘Passing Wind’. Basically watch whichever version the guy who pirates movies for you hands over.


Get a ninja costume. Wear it. First prance about in the sitting room, practicing your moves, complete with battle cries and somersaults. This suggestion assumes that you have a ninja costume, a living room and that you can somersault. Some guidelines are in order in case some of this isn’t correct for you. Jjaja Abdu in the new taxi park, better known for selling amazing gomesis, secretly sells ninja costumes. Go get one. There are several YouTube videos on how to somersault.  You may find a few with me in them giving detailed instructions. Watch them till your eyes start to tear. Finally, use the tuft of grass outside your house for practice


Get a dog to jog around with whenever the power goes back to Jinja.  As soon as the power starts it long trip to the East, pull on your sneakers, put that headband on, push some angry rock music into your iPod, put a leash on your poodle and start a leisurely jog around your neighborhood. Take time to wave cheerfully at anyone who looks at you for more than three seconds.


Use this time to do some personal hygiene things you cannot do when the lights are on. Like removal of boogers

Published on November 20, 2011 

Save Energy, Enjoy Life

In these days of no electricity, it is only prudent that we save as much energy as we possibly can. Electricity is so scarce, if it were possible to fill basins with it, I’d strongly encourage you to do so. I do however have some tips that will help you sail through these dark days relatively unscathed by the miserly ways of the power-generating company. Here, I share with you a few things to use to help you beat the energy crisis.

Charcoal iron

This handy device will come into play to remove creases from your clothes whenever power goes back to Jinja in your house. The modern charcoal iron is so versatile it allows you to use other stuff besides just charcoal to produce the heat; you can use almost anything. Old furniture, old newspapers, empty beer bottles, the microphone in the noisy church next-door, anything.

Hot comb

This work of pure genius eliminates the need to drive to the saloon, queue for three days, get into that hot helmet-like thing they put on heads in saloons, only for power to go off 17 minutes later. With the beauty that is a hot comb, you can do all your hair-styling at home. All you need is a mirror and an honest friend. The latter will warn you if you look like a wet chipmunk.


For guys, trips to the trusty barber are useless if he has no electricity. Buy yourself a pair of scissors and whip them out every month to do things to your hair. The advantage here is that you can draw fancy lines in your hair, things even your barber cannot do.  I’ll caution you to first practice thoroughly before attempting your first trim. Find a willing friend to try on. If your friends are true and are not scheming free-loaders who are only with you because of your money, they will willingly offer themselves for your experiments.

Send hand-written letters

SMS and email have since taken over as trusty methods of sending information, putting carrier pigeons out of work. The downside of these methods is that they need electricity. Hand-written letters do not. Instead of wasting precious phone battery typing ‘lol,whr r u nw nw?’ while waiting at the venue of an appointment, write a letter and hand it to your trusted carrier pigeon for delivery. Naturally, some weeks will have to be taken off to train the pigeon to identify the recipients of your mail. You’ll need to feed the pigeon too, and clean up its droppings. All these are small prices to pay. For the mail, you’ll need to re-learn proper spelling, punctuation, grammar and standard mail jokes. You’ll also have to write a few song dedications at the end of the mail.

 Published on October 9, 2011