Why Spain is not Uganda

Last week, the Guardian, a newspaper that’s a big deal in the UK, run a poll on which holiday destination was more attractive to their readers – Uganda or Spain. Being the buxom beauty that the pearl is, we beat Spain black and white in the poll. Some analysts put it down to Spaniards not knowing that the poll was going on since it was conducted in English. If the poll question had been “Uganda o España : donde preferirías ir de vacaciones ?”, Spain would have had a running chance at winning it. Since the analysts who said this had a foreign accent, we couldn’t quite argue with them. For good measure though, I asked a few others to hear their opinion – why did Spain get beaten so badly? Should they pack up and move to Uganda? Is there a wail loud enough to capture the anguish they are currently going through? Was it Uganda’s stunning beauty? Was the fight unfair to start with? Are we really that awesome? Over to the analysts.

Some said that the internet in Spain was down during the poll. They, after one phone call and a Google search, stated that the guy with the key to the store that has the internet in Spain had gone off to play soccer with his friends. He’s trying out for Atletico Astorgaand and if he makes it, he’ll have to choose whether to hand the key to the internet to his son (who’s still crawling) or let his own soccer dream die.

One excited analyst, who kept dozing off during the interview, said that the Spaniards were out watching a hugely popular Telenovela. The show was at that critical part where Alejandro and Maria, who are madly in love, were just about to discover that they are actually brother and sister.

 Some voices from Spain were heard asking for a re-count. They said that being a former British protectorate, Uganda had manipulated the UK paper’s vote in its favour. “They stuffed the ballot boxes those people,” said one angry Spaniard. He said it in Spanish though and with a lot of gestures. He didn’t respond when it was pointed out that the poll was conducted online.

One analyst, wearing a yellow T-shirt, said that our beloved leader was behind the win. He didn’t clarify how this was even possible.

Most of the analysts put it down to Uganda actually being awesome; very warm people, lovely weather, stunning natural beauty and a huge variety of wild and bird life. I agree with this lot.