Let’s invest in foreign ghosts

We were thrilled when news broke that the Uganda National Roads Authority (UNRA) allegedly paid about 24 billion to a ghost company from outside countries to do the Mukono-Katosi Road. It was hard for us to hide our excitement as a nation; UNRA had finally broken free of the grip local ghosts had on us. We’ve seen ghosts in the police force, we’ve listened to ghost teachers, we’ve heard of ghost pensioners and we’ve even seen what ghosts do to our poor MPs’ money. Never in even our wildest dreams did we think that in our lifetime, we’d see ghosts from abroad. We’d shelved that dream right next to the one where Uganda goes to the moon and discovers a rare form of gold that sends off mental vibes that only a Ugandan who isn’t a politician can pick up. UNRA wasn’t going to let us go down like that; they looked at our little faith and said “Countrymen, we will heal you still. We will bring you ghosts from lands far faraway”

To easily repeat this huge advance, we need to learn from it as much as possible. Here’s where UNRA needs to share insights. What do the foreign ghosts look like UNRA? Do they eat money in shillings too? Do they disappear when a local committee is setup to probe them? Do they understand our accent? Do I need a translator to communicate with them?

These are such exciting times. UNRA, we hope that other entities will follow your bold example – in a global village, we can’t stick to only investing locally. Bring in expatriates! In case you aren’t as excited about this as you ought to be, here’s a small fact to get you there-because of the ghosts being foreign, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the FBI, has joined in the exorcism. Imagine that. The FBI! This means we can ditch our counterfeit copies of CSI, Bones, Castle and all those investigative series and tune into NTV news to follow this case. Agent Miller will be there, furrowed brow and all, doing forensics, running after local villains, villains whose last names roll off our tongues very easily, and tackling them. The car chases wouldn’t be in New York, they’d be right here in Bwaiise. Though knowing Bwaiise, the car chase would quickly progress into a swim chase and eventually a boat chase.